i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
if only i could text you this smell
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
