Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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