I'm gonna have a badass scar
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I need water and some morals
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
