I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
