i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
