The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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