grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
