$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
