dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
