I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
