This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
