me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
