The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize