I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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