yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
