just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Threesome in a minivan. New low
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
