I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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