I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
