I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Randomize
