Your face is a jimmy john
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
