you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
