I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
