Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize