If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
