my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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