I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
