i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
only you would photoshop your dick
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
