Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
