Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
