He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
