A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
