Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
