You made me cry and you don't even care
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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