do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
