do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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