The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I have fence marks all over my body
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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