I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
