3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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