Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
