I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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