As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
