You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
