So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
