dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
