Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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