Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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