Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
