i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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