No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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