How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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