im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
