What a fucking waste of an outfit
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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