actually, I'm a sock model
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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