I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
