if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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