Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
