He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
