my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
