...so i touched it.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
