I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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