The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
you never un-have a 4some
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
