If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Randomize
