omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize