...so i touched it.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize