I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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