did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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