WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
