Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
