Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
